He Likes Naked Sailing with Other Guys… Is He Gay?
“Help! My Husband Enjoys Sailing Naked and Drinking Beers With Gay Men. What do you think this could mean?”
We found the above question in the advice column known as “Dear Prudence” in Slate Magazine. Check out the full query, below… and Prudence’s response, afterwards:
Dear Prudence,
My husband has a gay friend from high school. As an adult, before we married, he traveled to see his friend and for a week hung out with him and other gay men. Once, they went sailing where all of them stripped naked and drank beers—I’ve seen the pictures. My husband is very particular about his appearance and grooming. He recently started to lisp. I suspect he’s gay. When I told a (straight) man about this, his response was that no straight man would have done that (sailed naked with gay men). Am I correct that he is probably at least bisexual?
— Am I Naive?
Dear Naive,
It would feel really weird for me to make a guess about the sexual orientation of a stranger (or really, of anyone), but in the interest of providing a thorough answer to your question, I’ll entertain the points you’ve made. And … I think everything you’ve written here can explained away!
Particular about his appearance: So are a lot of straight men. That’s why nobody says “metrosexual” anymore. It’s called self-care. And it keeps you from being the subject of advice letters from a wife who finds you utterly disgusting because you have food in your beard, smell like an old towel, and haven’t clipped your toenails for a year. This is a good thing.
Stripping while sailing and drinking beers with gay men: This strikes me as an activity that would be among the very last things someone who was gay and trying to hide it from his wife would do. Perhaps he’s just secure in his orientation and up for a good time?
New lisp: It’s unusual but not unheard of for an adult to develop one. Ask him to check with a dentist, ENT, or speech therapist if you’re concerned before accusing him of living a lie. (And of course, not all gay or bi men have lisps!)
The only real red flag about your marriage here is that you are asking a random, probably-homophobic straight man, as well as me, a stranger, to weigh in on your husband’s sexuality. Again, I have absolutely no idea if you’re correct that he is “probably at least bisexual.” Your gut feeling is worth something. What he says about himself, and how you feel when you hear it, is worth more. Can you—I realize this seems wild but stay with me—start a conversation with him?
The fact that you seemingly can’t talk to each other and that you believe he would hide a major part of himself from you concerns me much more than his honestly pretty amazing-sounding vacation, the way he speaks, or the fact that he likes to look nice.
Stop playing detective and sit down for a heart-to-heart with the person you married. If you still don’t believe what he says or trust him to be honest, deal with that rather than asking someone else to judge him against a list of stereotypes.
What do you think? Is this good advice? What are your thoughts on stereotypes? We’d love to hear what’s in your head after reading this article…
Spot on. Well done!
Difficult to say without knowing more about your marriage / intimacy etc , however he has a best friend who I guess has invited him , men like to share company and relax with drinks , am guessing from what’s said your hubby is not ashamed of his body , and to get naked is no deal , I assume he was invited then found they got naked . I would have the relaxed conversation suggested perhaps the family become naturists ?
Dear Prudence. I love your answer. It’s unfortunately how the “world “ works today ……. Judging without talking and feeling …. Thx gay Dutch daddy -love being naked – but your trips are above my budget 😇😇❤️
Get over it. Many men do things with other men including gay ones. If he’s faithful to you, honors you, and shows he cares for you then you can’t expect much more. On the other hand, if he is always away and basically ignors you, then you better confront him or just let it go and realize he’s going to wonder and as long as you are first on his list maybe it’s best to just deal with it. This is too closely personal for anyone to say what you SHOULD do. Divorce is a sad way to end what might otherwise be a good relationship.
Maybe it’s just a NUDE thing he likes and not necessarily a GAY thing. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. I like both! 🙂
What a xonderful naked gay world!
Prudence, help him pack and give him a smooch going out the door. Have the chat with him when he gets back because whatever promises he might make to you before the trip mightn’t necessarily hold fast …… gay guys can be irresistible even to the straightest amongst us x
“Dear Prudence” gave some great advice but something was overlooked. Most straight guys, especially in their average day-to-day, don’t get a lot of positive body acknowledgement from other men. If you lose five pounds, start taking better care of your beard, tone up a bit from jogging, or whatever, there aren’t a lot of your buddies who are going to tell you how much better you look. “Great job on those squats lately, your butt looks great,” is not something you hear at poker night. Haha! But take off your close and have a beer with a cool group of gay guys and ###-damn will your confidence hit the roof! You’ll definitely be puffing up your chest a bit more and walking with a more manly swagger just knowing you’re desirable, regardless of orientation. We all like knowing we’re wanted, desired, handsome, etc. If “Naive’s” husband is usually particular about how he takes care of himself that goes double. She might throw him a few extra compliments before he leaves and have a sexy welcome when he gets back (with an honest conversation about both their insecurities after).